peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
