gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Did I show you my penis last night?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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