haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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