it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
