i need an iv and a liver transplant
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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