In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
