so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
