I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize