When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
