Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize