The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
