You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
