I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
