last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
