Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
