I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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