Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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