The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
