i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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