when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
