Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
