WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
