some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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