spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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