Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
