I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize