do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
