i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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