is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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