We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
