Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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