i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
