I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
