U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
