do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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