I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
