benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
