I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
