sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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