Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
