is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
