grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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