how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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