I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
