oh god the rape fog is back!
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
