I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
