She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There r osticjed everywhere
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
