Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
