Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
