I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
