When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i believe in u and ur pee
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
