This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize