Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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