yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We are two peas in an std pod
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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