like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
