We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just want nice things and good sex
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
