**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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