is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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