garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
