My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize