when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
