Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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