I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize