listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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