So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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