flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
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