awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
