Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
