There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The air taste purple.
Randomize