he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
