What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
