You work out of a Hotel?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
