I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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