omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
