what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
