This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
