he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Alive.
So much puke
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
