P.S. I can't hear my feet
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
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