I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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