I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Who died my cat blue again?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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