i may or may not be watching the land before time
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
