I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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