is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
