He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
