Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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